'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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