dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
