my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
