I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We got so high we made milksteak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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