Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
