OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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