I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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