Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
