Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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