i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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