she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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