I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
