I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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