I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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