Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
