you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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