Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Randomize
