Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
so much tequila, so little girl.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
