Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
