I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
