the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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