He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
