I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
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