If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
