How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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