Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
