Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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