Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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