i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
