I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
