so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
