proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
