1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize