The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
organizing the empties. That sober.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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