Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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