Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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