What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
