My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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