he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
