My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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