you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
