I think im going to throw up on grandma
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
