i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
