Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Randomize
