i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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