Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
