I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
