Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
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I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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