I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
