i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
