Pants 0. Shit 1.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
