his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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