you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
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Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
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Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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