dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
