so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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