Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
