There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
