I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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