OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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