I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
