so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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