it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
