Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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