This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He better not be in your backpack
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
