She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
