so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Everclear isn't food dammit
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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