Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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