we made out on top of his cat.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
