uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
