Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
