i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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